torek, 2. julij 2013

21:00 - KiborgSpužva Büking

Zaradi večjega dramatičnega učinka je ta promo tekst spisan v angleščini:

When I wake up in the middle of the night it's usually because I have to take a majestic hangover piss. But not this time. Yesterday it was because there was someone in my room. First I thought it was my roommate who usually takes pictures of me while I sleep (I'm on to you), but no, it was someone else, from some other place... from some other time.

They were standing near my bed just next to the pile of suspiciously crusty handkerchiefs. We looked at each other. Was I still drunk? Well... I was. But that still didn't explain their presence in my room.

In an eerie voice, one of them spoke:
'On 2nd July a show will take place in Gromka. A season finale. YOUR season finale!'

Since I'm not completely fucking retarded, I knew that. Somehow. His voice traveled to me again.

'We wanted to invade Earth, but then we realized Spindrift are from there, so we didn't.'

It was then that I realized that one of them was an alien. Others were just normal men that you usually see on the bus and don't want to talk to them but somehow they always start talking to you about the weather or how the system is fucked. You know, the usual things no one cares about.

There was three of them. Each of them spoke. I named them after the Ninja Turtles since I never liked that show.

Leonardo: 'Your season finale provided world peace, ended world hunger, stopped global warming, returned Frogstomp's bicycle and there are no more follicly challenged men.'

Raphael: 'That show was the final part of the Earth's menstrual cycle. For that, we are all thankful.'

Donatello: 'I fucking hate the future'

Since there was just three of them I just imagined that Michelangelo was a chick that was just choking on my übercock.

With that, they left. Was that real or was my mind just playing tricks on me? Since my mind usually doesn't work, I presumed that that was real.

So, for the season finale I want to organize a show that will change the pace of time, give birth to the opposite of the universe, make your mother love you and make you deaf with earcum. Judging by the people from the future, I will achieve my goal!

The goal shall be achieved with the help of:
Spindrift (USA) – psychedelic/spaghetti western/rock

'Spindrift, keeping the spirit of Sergio Leone's movies alive since 1992'
-Benjamin Franklin

Blaak Heat Shujaa (USA) – psychedelic/stoner rock

'Fuck breathing and food if you have Blaak Heat Shujaa!'
- Napoleon Bonaparte

(MK) -surf rock/punk

'I once cut off my legs in a potato cleaning accident, Molokai helped me and now my legs are back and as good as new.'
-Ron Jeremy

The show will also include a cult Slovenian band, but that should remain a secret for now. Why? Because that's the most annoying, stupid and useless form of promotion.

But I can still give a quote about them.

'*insert band name* > ∞'
- some random guy nobody cares about

Moral of the story: fuck grammar nazis! Oh wait... actually, don't fuck them. That's why they don't have a life.
2nd moral of the story: some promo texts usually include exagerrations.

Entry fee: too much
Start: 21:00


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Tudi letošnje poletje bo Gromka zagnala glasbeni cikel Odprto, s katerim oživlja južni del AKC Metelkove mesta. Cikel Odprto je žanrsko neobremenjen, združuje pa metelkovske glasbene u...
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